Meditation and Pranayama

One area I've been seeing measurable results with is my sitting meditation. Meditation was always a wishful thought for me. The cliche-sage in Freddyworld was always able to sit for long periods of time, though Freddy never was... Every once and a while, I would bust out my Japa Beads, do seven rounds of whatever given mantra, and then sit for 10 minutes, 10 MINUTES OF TORTURE!!!

The problem was I was doing it once in a blue moon, or maybe I'd get on a kick and do it once or twice a week for a month, or something to that effect. I'd feel real proud when I finished because I'd endured the torture, like it was some bizzare experiment in austerity in my otherwise hiedonistic lifestyle. I was truly missing the point.

Now I sit every day for ten minutes and a couple of times a week for thirty to forty five minutes.
* I sit on a hard chair with my back straight and hands resting on knees. The stiff postur gives an additional element to be conscious of, and provides a signal when my mind drifts. If my thoughts begin to run away with me, I slouch. If I don't notice my mind, I notice the slouch.
* I do pranayama with a mantra to keep count, 4 count breath in, 4 count hold, 4 count breath out, 4 count hold.
* The mantra I use to keep count is: Om Mani Padme Hum, which translates to "Hail the jewel in the lotus". Not only does it keep a great 4 count, but it is also a very potent mantra.
* Practice makes perfect it gets easier with time.

Frustration is antithetical to the process. A tug of war with the mind is to be avoided, it's a losing battle. Thoughts will happen, the immediate goal is not to "stop thought," but to create an awareness of the mind. When a thought enters my consciousness I acknowledge it, and let it go. I try to avoid the "train of thought," one thought just linking on to another, onto another and so on. It gets easier, dare I say pleasent! I can do my 10 minutes now without slouching once, after about 20 minutes my mind begins to get restless, at 30 minutes I'm perservering.

I think sitting is one of the most important ingredients of preparation for the Great Work. We can only access the true will by cutting through all the other illusions we confuse with our will. No matter what, I get my 10 minutes a day in. If I don't have time for my full ritual, I do my LBRP to clear my space, and then sit.

The Pragmatism of Secrecy

Happy 6/6/06!!! I have been coming to some revelations into the secrecy aspect of the mystery schools, mine included. It used to seem really ridiculous to me. Between the internet and Barnes and Noble: THE SECRET IS OUT!!! I mean, no one is burning us anymore guys, what’s the point of it? However, working within the system of my order, I’m coming to a different perspective.

When I run into stumbling blocks, Frater Achad AL rarely gives me a definitive answer. Instead, he’ll give me a hint, or rather he’ll steer me towards a hint by asking questions that force me to reflect on the logic and my experience of what I’m asking. Then he’ll usually say, “Pay attention in your rituals, plant the seed of this question in your mind and get back to me when you think you have the answer.” Is Frater Achad AL being pompous, and withholding? Is he flaunting his superior wisdom in front of me to remind me that I’m but a lowly neophyte? NO! He is causing me to cultivate, and rely on my intuition, which in turn cultivates the ritual, and so on. Not by acquring another fact for the file cabinet, but by finding a piece of the puzzle, the whole picture now becoming clearer with the inclusion of this new ingrediant.

This is the crux of it. Being an academic, I am very used to the flash-card-drilling, fact-collecting method of learning. I tried that with Hermeticism for many years, and only wound up with a hodge-podge of valuable concept, a kind of philosophical matrix, but nothing really practical. In example, learning the Tarot and Astrology comprises quite a volume of material. My attempts at the academic method lacked results. Now however, I use the cards in my ritual, and I am finding a symmetry to my learning process, everything dovetails into everything else.

On a Tuesday a take the fives out the deck along with the Tower, and set them up on my altar. I always keep the Major Arcana card for the sign we’re in on the altar as well. Before I meditate, I closely examine each card, take in the subtleties and make the planetary attributions glow red in my minds eye as a strong part of the design. This serves several purposes:

· I am utilizing archetypes to cue me into the energy of the day

· I am Learning the attributions and nature of the cards, through which:
o On the Tree I learn the attributions and nature of the 4 worlds of 7 of the Sephiroth, as well as,
seven of the paths
o I learn about the signs of Zodiac
o I learn about the seven sacred planets

· I am imprinting the cards in my mind, and allowing the archetypes to summon aspects of
the universe/myself, normally unconscious, to the surface

I could think of still more benefits, but the point is that this is the way to learn the path. The answers are within, and when they come they don’t come alone. Each new light bulb that goes on illuminates everything more. It’s a Gnostic trip; Sophia does not arrive through the reading of a book, or pontificating to one’s beer buddy. Sophia lives inside and she is only freed through experience, and experience only happens in the here and now.

Relating this back to the apparent secrecy, I am trying to give an example of obtaining some truths that have not been handed to me on a silver platter. Wisdom, acquired through experience, produces Understanding. Facts acquired through mundane transmission produce Knowledge. Knowing all the facts about bicycles does not translate into knowing how to ride one.

ONION-PEELINGS

The Universe is the Practical Joke of the General at the Expense of the Particular, quoth FRATER PERDURABO, and laughed.
But those disciples nearest to him wept, seeing the Universal Sorrow.
Those next to them laughed, seeing the Universal Joke.
Below these certain disciples wept.
Then certain laughed.
Others next wept.
Others next laughed.
Next others wept.
Next others laughed.
Last came those that wept because they could not see the Joke, and those that laughed lest they should be thought not to see the Joke, and thought it safe to act like FRATER PERDURABO.
But though FRATER PERDURABO laughed openly, He also at the same time wept secretly; and in Himself He neither laughed nor wept.
Nor did He mean what He said.

Now it's getting scary

The new fixtures got put up two days ago by maintenance. Last night I am opening my temple, and as I turn East facing my altar, The ceiling fixture comes down about six inches in front of my face. The timing was intense. I have moved my altar to the center of my circle, so it shattered all over my altar and floor, sending glass splinters everywhere, my cauldron across the floor and the coal onto my rug, which now has a melted circle in it.

I was pretty dumbstruck. I stood in shock for a few moments, and the went into the livingroom and paced a while. Finally I cleaned my temple, lit another coal, and did my LBRP, Qalalistic Crosses and MPE in accordance. I tried to do a strong banishing, and I got the strongest visualizations yet on my South and North pentagrams. I did all traditional, nothing Thelemic, no invocations, LVH, Adorations, or anything. I gave a strong license to depart and used some of the Heavy hitter God names with my commandment.

Not Cool!!! It was violent, there's no mistaking it. If I was just a bit closer to my altar, or not wearing my glasses, I could have gotten hurt. This happened in my circle, while I was inside of it. I'm pretty freaked, and I must admit I am questioning everything right now. My Frater says it's unabsorbed energies from my ritual that seem like they are turning Goetic. I really don't know. Last night anything could have happened and would not have been shocking, I was prepared for anything and logic and reason were just not factors of what was plausible. I don't even know if that made sense, but let's just say I was very unsettled.

Unfortunately all of this is turning my Blog into a campfire-boogyman forum and this is not what I want. I am going to try not to give this stuff more space. I'm spooked, I'm starting to question what I'm doing, and whatever is going on, it's not fun anymore.

Oogy Boogy...

Strange occurrences are still happening. Nothing as violent as the fixtures when it first started, but there's flickering lights, a touch lamp that turns on by itself when the fickering light has been turned off. It's not really bothering me, but it's pretty wild. I've always been interested in the paranormal, and now it looks like I'm getting a crash course.

I'm still wondering if this is a product of my own consciousness. However, the last few occurrences have happened when I wasn't there, and the first when my fiance was not home. So it does not seem like it is attached to one person. Who knows? As long as my Fiance can put up with it, it's cool with me.

Thelemic Rituals

I have begun to focus much more on the Thelemic versions of the and the MPE. I am presently alternating everyother day between the traditional and Thelemic.
The Thelemic versions really are a whole different current. Not only are the element/direction attributions different, but the whole rite is based on a different perspective. In the traditional version, I am standing on the intersection of Samech and Pe, between Tiphareth and Yesod, the elements/Sephiroth take their place based upon this scheme.
The Thelemic LBRP is more focused on ascension. There's a different perspective the rite is being viewed from, and a slightly different, or rather enriched purpose to it as well. The visualization is easier for me in the T-LBRP as well. I use the Sons of Horus as the guardians of the directions rather than the Archangels of the Traditional form (east Man, West Jackal, South Hawk, North Ape). I implement the elemental colors as a back-drop with geometry/pattern complementing the nature of the element(Fire: Flames/Volcanic scene, Water: Blue and Orange, Air: White and Gold, Earth: Green and Rust.
I am also learning the Tarot much more efficently by using the Minor Arcana, and Major Arcana card(s) which correspond to the Planet of the day. For example: On Tuesday I use the fives, and the Tower. I keep the Major Arcana card corresponding to the current Zodiac sign on my altar as well. I have even been utilizing the Pentacles of the Greater Key Of Solomon the King. The whole point is to immerse myself in the planet's energy. The more cues the better to do this. As I use these cues I learn them, and they serve their purpose in my ritual, it's all very complementary. 93 93/93

Increased Activity

Last night while I was out with a study group, another fixture came down from the cieling. My fiance calls me and let's me know the fixture in the kitchen crashed down to the floor while she was sitting in the livingroom. This is less than 24 hours after the fixture crashed down in my temple. She futher explained, that there were hissing gurgling sounds coming from the kitchen, which would cease when she would walk over to investigate.
My Frater verified what I already suspected: This is a sign of progress in my grade. I am becomming a beacon on the astral place and I am attracting beings, energies, however one wants to think about it. It's actually pretty exciting. I have tweaked my license to depart and I am focusing on my banishing more.
Since being offered the Sanctuary charter to think about, and these other occourances, my practice is picking up. I am visualizing the pentagrams and archangels more readily and I feel my visualizations from my third eye are taking shape as well. All is well, and only getting better. Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law, Love is the Law, Love under Will.

Energies

Last night I was doing my ritual, and it felt like a particularly powerful one. When doing my MPE, I descended the light of Kether down through my forehead and envisioned my 3rd eye opening. I was able to see my eastern temple quite vividly. Then while doing my adoration the candles on my alter seemed to all grow brighter. I felt very grounded and centered through the whole ritual as well.

Then, when I finish, I am about 1 1/2 minutes into my journal entry when I hear a loud crash come from my Temple. I run in and see that the glass fixture had fallen from the ceiling and broke all over the floor. At first it was really creepy, and the violence of the phenomenon seemed like it could possibly be malevolent. Upon reflection however, I have come to see it as a validation that the energies I am working with, and my serving as a conduit of them, are just becoming more powerful and manifesting in my work more visibly. At this stage I am even a bit excited by the occurrence. All else is going well, practice, practice, practice... Abrahadabra